The more aptly named:
I am almost out of my twenties and I have NEVER written a blog on marriage (part one)
I’m actually insanely proud of myself.
I went through the entire World Race without ever writing a blog on singleness, relationships or marriage. (Also: Team Leader, I didn’t break your rule…)
Not that it surprises me at all.
I don’t know if I have ever written a blog on any of those topics.
Not saying that I don’t enjoy reading them or get something out of them. I’ve read a few this week and of course that’s why the subject is in my head.
I just wanted to finally come out and say it.
I don’t know if I want to get married.
It’s a weird sentence to type knowing that I am going to publish it online for all the world (or at least the 5 people that subscribe to my blog thus far) to read.
I know what you’re going to say:
Of course you want to get married.
You’re just saying that because you haven’t
found the right guy.
You must just be bitter.
There’s a guy out there for everyone.
(and I cringe)
Maybe singleness is what God has called you too.
Or if you’re my friend Catherine you call me OUT on the statement.
But Catherine’s not here right now.
So I want to explain.
I think as a child, I probably played wedding once or twice, forcing the little boy across the street to marry me in my grandma’s front yard while I held a bouquet of fall leaves and marched down the perfect sidewalk aisle.
But I don’t think I’ve ever planned MY wedding.
Yes, pinterest gives me grand ideas that I think are cute.
Yes I have a wedding board.
Yes, I’ve been in, planned and coordinator more weddings then I care to admit.
Yes I always just say I am going to elope.
But do I know FOR SURE that I want to get married?
I just don’t know.
There are so many reasons that float in my brain as to WHY I think I might not want to get married.
I remember a moment a couple years ago, I was discussing potential ideas for ministries, for things I wanted to do. And I the thought crossed my brain…oh I need to get married for that. It caused me to stop in my tracks…
I don’t need to wait. I can just do.
I don’t need marriage to live my life for Christ.
I’m actually thankful that I’m not saying I don’t want to get married out of spite of marriage.
Most of my FAVORITE people in life are married couples (I’m looking at you Peck’s, Garmon’s, Sherman’s, Wayman’s,…and SO MANY OTHERS).
I love these kingdom people so much. I respect their relationships and what they do together for God.
But I just don’t know right now if that is what God has for me.
It’s not something burning passion inside of me that my friends have. I don’t pray for my husband regularly.
Yes, I have a somewhat list of things I might want in a husband. I’ve met men who fill some of those characteristics.
But nothing pushing me to press in or step in to that season in life.
And I don’t want to pretend or waste energy on heart space that I might need for something else.
It might be a trust thing (you can read about that here)
It might be that I just haven’t met the one.
But until God put’s it on my heart and mind, we’re just going to leave it alone.
Like I said, I just don’t know if I want to get married.
And that’s ok.
(and yes…this says part one. I’m basically setting the stage right now. Part 2: Catherine’s smack down, the one guy I thought I could have married and the topic of children.)