I started this blog as something very different. It was full of a lot of incomplete sentences and a lot of uncertainty about why I feel as if I am lacking the motivation to find more life. Why I feel unable to live my life from a place of fullness and feels like I am scraping the bottom of the barrel some days.
I don’t like speaking to the hopelessness of that. I don’t need to spend precious moments I have speaking to the empty. I need to find ways to make the empty full.
A couple weeks ago at the yellow house our small group watched this Ted talk (seriously, watch it) and then as we parted we gave the prompt of writing a list of “ten things I know to be true”. And I haven’t really sat in it. And it’s a lovely thing to think about.
So here is, without further ado, a list of ten things I know to be true at 10pm on Tuesday February 16th, 2016.
My truth #1: My roommate is currently making two different varities of master crumble.
My truth #2: When I don’t watch tv in bed I sleep better.
My truth #3: My Aunt Ann’s cinnamon rolls are best served with butter and microwaved.
My truth #4: I hear from God.
My truth #5 Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the superior cereal of the cereal aisle.
My truth #6: You should never return a Tupperware empty.
My truth #7: I miss my friends and what used to be.
My truth #8: Tiny and not so-tiny-humans anywhere in this world above all need/want love.
My truth #9: I know the Istanbul airport probably better then any other airport I’ve ever set foot in. And also it’s probably the airport I’ve cried in the most.
My truth #10: Pacey is far superior then Dawson. BECAUSE HE IS A MAN. (I’m at the end of season 3. #nospoilers)
So there it is. It took me about fifteen minutes to come up with that list. And it was fun, and serious, and lighthearted and weird. It was fifteen minute to sit in something that I hadn’t before.
I’m getting used to this whole Washington winter thing, I’m learning how to roll with this extremely full life I’m living.
I’m learning I’m allowed to not be ok.
It doesn’t mean I’m bleeding out or failing at life or depressed.
It just it what it is.
I’m still Meg. All of those the truths inside me are still true no matter how I feel.
My identity doesn’t change.
I have to remind myself of that, that it doesn’t make me lower or less than to feel this way.
I am who I am.
I am me.